(M.J.E. Spirit / Sun., 27 Nov., 1994)

Spirit Dialogues

Explorations of Spirit
by Michael Edwards

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Sunday, 27 November, 1994

      Michael: Hullo. I'm back again, little more than 24 hours later. It's a bit after 11 p.m. on Sunday: after midnight Monday according to false time, but I think really Sunday still has to run nearly an hour.

      Bivalia:[a] Good evening, Michael. How are you?

      Michael: Oh, the same as usual, thanks. How are you?

      Bivalia: The same as usual, too. Does anything special bring you here, or do you wish simply to enjoy my company?

      Michael: Both, I suppose. I don't suppose those are mutually exclusive, are they?

      Bivalia: Of course not.

      Michael: I suppose I feel vaguely dissatisfied with yesterday's short and inconclusive session. But I had a rather unusual dream last night. I thought it might be interesting to see what you think of it; I just talked with Ra Lyah about it on the phone a couple of hours ago, and she seemed to think it was good.

      Bivalia: What happened in this dream? Not more communing with the Masters, eh?

      Michael: Well, I'm not sure. Not as explicitly as one or two previous dreams. Once again, as usual, most of the details of the dream are vague, although I get the feeling there was more. (And I get a little tired, in relating dreams, of having to say much of it was vague, but it would not be the truth to say otherwise.) So, what I tell you is really in a much broader context than I can remember.

      Bivalia: Well, let's hear the bits you can remember.

      Michael: I was in this aeroplane, or some sort of aircraft. There were other people there too, and I think I knew some of them, but I remember nothing about them or what I did with them, if anything. The plane was quite a big one. But for some reason it was going along the ground for some great distance, like taxiing along a runway [b], but for many many miles, maybe even hundreds of miles, at quite moderate speeds too, comparable perhaps with a train. But it wasn't on an actual runway, but seemed to be just going across country. And the vaguest impression of South Australia seems to come into this part of the dream, perhaps the south-east coast.
      Then, quite suddenly, things changed. You know how, when you're in a plane about to take off, it goes along a runway quite slowly at first, perhaps just like a car or train, which is quite slow by aircraft standards; then, as it goes along the runway, very suddenly the plane increases velocity immensely, almost awesomely, so that within a mere few seconds it seems to be soaring even while still on the ground, and you're pressed back into your seat, perhaps with up to 2 G's of acceleration - and still it goes faster and faster, until it's going at hundreds of miles per hour, even before you leave the ground. It quite bowls you over. When you finally leave the ground, there is little further increase in speed at that moment - just a lurching, floating sort of feeling.

      Bivalia: Yes, I know what you mean.

      Michael: Well, it was like all of that in the dream. And the plane quite quickly lifted up, so that it almost felt like it was standing on end. And in fact I found that I tended to slide backwards to the rear of the plane, along with anything not fixed down. (This bit, and the standing on end, are of course exaggerated compared to real life, but then dreams often do that, at least with me.)
      Well, the plane just went up and up and the pitch of the engines just seemed to get higher and higher and the speed increased more and more until I wondered how much further it could go.

      Bivalia: Go on.

      Michael: I woke up at that point. Sorry to let you down after all that build-up, but I woke up quite suddenly. I was quite disappointed, because it was really getting quite exciting and enjoyable. That soaring up and up felt quite wonderful.

      Bivalia: You're a flying freak as well as a train freak, are you, my friend?

      Michael: I don't know. I haven't flown all that often in my life, but yes, I think I do find it quite enjoyable. Perhaps all of us might be surprised at the things we might like if life brought them our way more often.
      Anyway, I looked at the time and it was 5.30 a.m. (by daylight saving time - or 4.30 a.m. real time). I never wake up naturally at that time or anything even remotely like it, so there must have been something about that dream that woke me up, although I can't think what, unless it was just what I've already told you.

      Bivalia: Where do the Masters come into this?

      Michael: They don't. Not yet; but I haven't finished quite yet.
      Just about my very first thought (although I was wide awake very suddenly and quickly) was that this dream might have been somehow connected with Ashtar, even though he didn't come into the dream in any way; but I suppose with the flying bit it seemed like the sort of dream that might have been somehow connected with him or with the Ashtar Command generally. I just said to Ashtar something like, "Sorry to leave you at that point, Ashtar; that dream seemed somehow connected with you, and I would have liked to come along further."
      I was due to play that morning at the Church of Antioch, but I didn't have to get up until about 9 a.m., about three and a half hours hence, and I fairly quickly went back to sleep again. Although that flying dream didn't come back again (I would have liked it to, though), other dreams did. They were so vague and diffuse that I couldn't give you even the slightest clue as to what happened in them; but the funny thing is that I had a sense that Ashtar did somehow come into these dreams. But that's all I can tell you.
      So whether I really was with Ashtar or whether the impression merely came because of my thinking about him upon awakening, by the effects of autosuggestion, I can't say. But I have dreamed about Ashtar two or three times before, equally vaguely, so I tend to notice when it happens again.

      Bivalia: Well, it seems you do have a closeness to him, doesn't it?

      Michael: It seems so. And in these dreams, he always seems like someone I am quite close to.

      Bivalia: Yes, this is so. You do work with him in your sleep times.

      Michael: I just wish I could remember it better. And I wish dreams wouldn't cut off just when they're getting really good.

      Bivalia: Never mind. Your awareness will improve in the months and years to come. And I'm sure Ashtar will one day take you for joy-rides to your heart's content at a time when you can remember this with full awareness.

      Michael: That would be nice.

      Bivalia: And not long after that you will be able to go for your own flights in your own merkabah with full awareness. Your merkabah or light-body is almost infinitely versatile and can do anything you ask of it; but amongst other things it is a spacecraft of immense power, far more awesome than any aircraft or spaceship that you presently know of or can even presently imagine. It is waiting for you to grow in awareness to the point where you can be aware of it. It is in fact a part of you, not a mere dead machine. With it you can go instantly anywhere in the universe, either alone or with anyone else you choose to go with.
      And words just can't tell you how blissful and exciting and exhilarating it feels to be able to do this. Time itself seems to cease, so that you can in a sense travel instantaneously but at the same time you can draw it out (if you want), freezing time itself to enjoy that moment just as long as you want. Time and space themselves become your playthings. Your dream was but the faintest foretaste of what this is like once you are able to do it with full awareness. I'm quite sure Ashtar one day will give you flying lessons if you like.

      Michael: You make it all seem very attractive indeed, don't you?

      Bivalia: That is the understatement of the year, my friend. Words cannot describe what powers will be available to you once you ascend. In fact, you already go flying with Ashtar sometimes, and also by yourself in your merkabah, during your sleep times; but you just aren't aware of it yet. These things take time, and awareness will come at some time.

      Michael: I hope so. Anyway, that's all there was to the dreams that night. I woke up and Louise came to get me and I then went to Franck's (where he or other clergy hold the Eucharist each Sunday). But for some reason I couldn't seem to get the idea of flying out of my mind. Sometimes a dream can seem so fascinating that you keep thinking about it on and off throughout the whole day. And I found thoughts of aeroplanes and flying coming back to mind again and again throughout the day.

      Bivalia: It triggers old and deep memories, doesn't it, a dream of this sort? It arouses wonderful hopes for the future, yes?

      Michael: I don't know. Maybe. It's difficult to explain. But certain ideas came to me about how one might depict flight in music, if you wanted to write a piece capturing the feeling of flying, especially that immense increase in velocity. Well, those ideas had occurred to me before, years ago, but this brought them back to mind again.

      Bivalia: This is not for no reason at all. I hope you will do something about that some time, although I know you already have enough preoccupations on your plate at present. When you feel ready, though, be sure to ask Kuthumi to help you with this, or any other music you feel inspired to write. He is always willing to help you, and would like to see you do well in music, in this life, or after ascension, or preferably both now and after ascension. And I am quite sure that Sananda could give you much help in this area, although in different ways because music is not quite such a specialization with him as it is with Kuthumi.
      But if you have ideas now relating to music evoking the feeling of flying, I suggest you write them down briefly now while they are still fresh in mind, even if you have to keep detailed work on them for a later time. They will wait until you are ready.

      Michael: The Russian composer Scriabin was obsessed with the idea of flight, and much of his music tries to capture a feeling of flight, and it can be very exciting and uplifting. He was also obsessed with light, and was always trying to express light in music. He almost seems to be playing with the universe at times, dealing with the very forces of nature.

      Bivalia: His music is very spiritual, as what you have just said makes obvious. He had a real spiritual vision, and this is one of the reasons he has been one of your favourite composers for at least 20 years.

      Michael: In writing piano music, he developed techniques in which he tried, with astonishing success, to break past the inherent limitations of piano music, and it has been said that his piano sonatas "flood the keyboard with light".

      Bivalia: That is quite a good description of what he did, especially if you can see it with clairvoyant vision.

      Michael: Well, my musical vision is really quite different from his (although I have been influenced by some of his techniques), but I think when you come down to it, a spiritual vision is indivisibly linked with my musical ideas.

      Bivalia: Yes, absolutely inseparable.

      Michael: It's not always obvious, but I think it's inherent and implicit in my whole musical thinking.

      Bivalia: Yes, and when you contemplate that your contemporary musical status quo does not seem to pay any attention to the spiritual, the visionary, which seems to be rather unfashionable, I trust that you will not allow this attitude to rub off on to your own music.

      Michael: I hardly think so. I suspect it's the centre of music to me, not an optional extra, and that without it music would mean nothing to me, and lose all interest. We've talked before about that sense of wonder, of magic, that pops into life at unexpected moments, that has always been the ultimate goal of my music (and other things too). I don't suppose that vision is going to change drastically after all these years; it seems to be an inherent part of my personality, of my whole outlook on life.
      At times the possibility of attaining that wonder (instead of merely getting tantalizing reminders from time to time) is all that gives me a thread of continued hope, because I can certainly say that there is nothing in the worldly aspects of my life and the society I am in that give me even faint glimmers of hope. In that sense I am profoundly introverted, in that the most important things in life to me are very internal, and hardly at all external. This is in a way a bit characteristic of autism, I suppose, which I was diagnosed with when I was a baby. [c]

      Bivalia: Don't worry about that. While in one sense this might seem like a disability or disorder of some sort, and might cause you much difficulty at times, a broader view of this, from a spiritual point of view, shows that explaining it away like this is an over-simplification. But Sananda has already confirmed that the intention of this was precisely to help you avoid getting caught up too much in the negativity you are surrounded with in your world. If you had been a so-called "normal" child, undoubtedly you would have got more involved in all manner of worldly things, in school, and after school, right up to now; and it is quite possible that in such a case you would have lost the thread of your vision, which is quite incompatible with the ideals of your society, but which, spiritually, is of great importance. You have been entrusted with work that no-one else can do just exactly the same, and so you agreed to measures that would protect your spiritual vision.

      Michael: And, yet, I wonder. I'm sure many other starseeds, perhaps most, have been much more involved in the world than I have. Everyone I know is more involved, without exception.

      Bivalia: Their missions are different from yours: neither more nor less important, but just different. You have your own territory, and because of its particular nature, it is more vulnerable to the world's destructive influence than most of the other tasks. So measures have been taken, from birth right up to now, to protect you from the worst of this. And you agreed to these measures before being born into your present life. Every starseed who undertook missions of any sort has certain safeguards in place to enhance whatever it is they have to do; it just happens, by the chance of the game, that the safeguards you have adopted are noticeably visible to casual inspection by people at large. That is all it is. It is nothing to worry about.

      Michael: I don't seem to be accomplishing any mission, in spite of all this.

      Bivalia: We've talked about this before. Not all that you accomplish is visible to either your 3rd-dimensional consciousness, or that of other people. And not all that is part of your mission is meant to be accomplished in this particular phase of your life, anyway. Much of it is for later times, and, at levels you are not presently aware of, you are quietly preparing behind the scenes, with my help and that of various Masters, for future work you will accomplish when the time is right, and not before or after. You mustn't take too superficial a view of this, nor too short-term a view. A person doesn't have dreams of the sort you have had at various times without having the capability of doing much valuable work for the light, and for God.

      Michael: Perhaps. I just can't say for myself. I just have to hope you're right. But I'm still full of doubts. I still have an airtight atheist materialist mode of thinking that can still be highly persuasive, you know.

      Bivalia: I know. And it doesn't worry me, or Sananda, or Ashtar, or any of the other Masters you work with, or even God Himself. So I don't think you need to worry overly much about that. Your conscious belief systems are only a very small part of the overall picture; what's more important is what you value most of all, deep down, what sort of spiritual vision you have. And we've already seen that this inner life of yours is quite active.

      Michael: Yes, well I might have to finish up soon, because I think I'm running down. I think I just felt like telling you about that dream, because it's been a bit on my mind today. But otherwise, I guess I haven't got much more to say than yesterday, and this session won't be much longer.

      Bivalia: Never mind. You seem to be in better spirits today, at least as far as the writing itself is concerned. You were a bit down in yesterday's brief session.

      Michael: I guess so. And that may not even be far away now. Perhaps the dream has obscured that, and maybe now that I've got it out of the way, the earlier dullness could come back.

      Bivalia: I wouldn't be too quick to assume that. Didn't you call St. Germain yesterday in an effort to transmute all that lower-frequency energy to higher-frequency energy, to try and feel a bit better?

      Michael: Yes, I did, but it didn't seem to work miracles.

      Bivalia: You're too impatient; don't judge things too quickly. Didn't it occur to you that this dream of flying could have been one of the effects of St. Germain's work with you in response to your request?

      Michael: No, it didn't occur to me, not until about a minute or two before I actually typed your saying that.

      Bivalia: Well, just remember that. Perhaps you expected a vague improvement in mood that same day; but the transmutation often comes in forms you aren't expecting. Your dream certainly had a higher order of energy to it than yesterday's mood, didn't it?

      Michael: I guess so.

      Bivalia: Just keep on calling on the Masters, even if you don't feel like it. There may be times when doing so is the last thing you feel like doing; those times are the times when you most need them.

      Michael: It's very difficult to call them at those times, though.

      Bivalia: I know. But try to, at least on some of those occasions. Tell them you feel that way, if it helps make it easier, and tell them why you feel that way.

      Michael: I do. I'm afraid I'm a bit of a grouch at times with them. Well, not with them personally, but just grouching about things generally at times.

      Bivalia: Don't worry about that. It is more important to be honest and open with them, even when that sometimes causes you to appear gloomy and negative with them, than to artificially give them a false spiritual front all the time. The way you talk with them is just right, but to talk to them even more often can only do good, and speed up your increase in consciousness. Come and talk with me if at times that seems easier than the Masters, either in writing like this, or just in your own thoughts.

      Michael: I'm not sure if it's easier. It's different, shall we say?

      Bivalia: Well, just do what seems best at the time. But it would be very good to keep as much in touch with me and the Masters as possible. It will also help draw you closer to God, which I know is something you find difficult, although I can assure you that God Himself feels no discomfort or offence at this. He just goes on giving you all the love He can, whatever you do. But you can be sure He appreciates the difficulty many people have in acquiring a closeness to Him, a consciousness of His existence, and He appreciates how His very universality makes this awareness of Him difficult to achieve.

      Michael: I suppose so.

      Bivalia: I'm sure so.

      Michael: Yes. Well, anyway, I think I'm running out of things to say; I don't think this was ever going to be a long session anyway. So, unless you have particular things to share with me, I think I'll say good night.

      Bivalia: I will say good night too; I have nothing further to say now, in particular. I love you, and will remain with you as long as you wish that.

      Michael: Thank you. Good night.


[a] Tuesday, 26 March, 2002 - "Bivalia:":
      See the first
note at the end of the dialogue for Monday, 13 June, 1994, for the meaning of the name "Bivalia", and why I adopted it in these dialogues as the name for my Higher Self. [Back]

[b] Thursday, 19 September, 2002 - "... taxiing along a runway...":
      A pedantic nitpick, perhaps; but I cannot leave uncommented upon something I now know to be an error. But "taxiing" is not used to refer to an aircraft's movement along a runway before it leaves the ground. Rather, it refers to the movement of the plane to the start of the runway - which is probably what I had in mind when I wrote this, anyway, since once an aircraft reaches the start of a runway, it would not normally spend any significant time on the runway before starting to accelerate. But, then, taxiing to the runway would never be anywhere near as fast as a car or a train. Doubtless, I didn't really know the proper usage of terms when I wrote this, and nor is it likely I even gave it much thought. And, because it was a dream, we can't expect anything about it to correspond exactly to the parallel thing in real life (whether we apply terminology correctly or not). [

[c] Friday, 14 June, 2002 - "... autism, ... which I was diagnosed with when I was a baby.":
      As a matter of fact, I am not sure if this is strictly true or not. For anything as early as this in my life, I can only rely on what my parents have told me. To be sure, my mother and/or father have told me this, but I'm not really sure whether it was a formal diagnosis, or merely a doctor informally stating his opinion that I might have been autistic.
      More recently, I have read things about Asperger's Syndrome which makes it appear more likely that I had (and probably still have) this condition rather than autism. Without being expert on either condition, and without doing a lot of research into them, the most I can say about Asperger's is that it appears to be a milder form of autism, and is more likely than autism to be associated with normal or even superior intelligence, whereas autism is more likely to be associated with some degree of mental retardation. But whether the two conditions are related does not appear to be known, and indeed nothing is known about the cause of either condition, nor about how to cure them. [

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